i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
