$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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