i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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