I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
