No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
