Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
