My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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