If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
