i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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