hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
