I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
