Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
