Are we in a gay sports bar?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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