Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
