matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
