Nicole vs. Life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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