My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
