Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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