Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
