When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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