he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
