so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come see our sink grown plant.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
