Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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