Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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