Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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