After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
