Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
