Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
