You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
