I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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