I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize