My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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