Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
