yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
