So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
