What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
