I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
did i walk over a car last night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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