Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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