i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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