Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
