My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck