it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have started to decorate penises.
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You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.