i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...