he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything