Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
