i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?