It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
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Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.