Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dating After Heartbreak
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?