My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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