We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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