WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
