Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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