you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
