this beer tastes like vomit already
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
