I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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