This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
