So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
