giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
