she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
