Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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