i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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