I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
