My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
