discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
