god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
