well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
