so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
