What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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