he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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