He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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